Rigamortis Death Grip

I'm new to this kind of relationship, but I think I need to apologize. I have passed the stage where everything is fun and all quirks are cute. I have let myself linger in annoyance. My physical presence of hot and bothered seeped into my mental state oozing like honey through every crevice until I was covered in a heavy goop. A goop that I only sank deeper into and could not see until I found myself struggling neck high to breath. I realize that only I put myself there. I realize that the only thing anyone else did was be the innocent bystander they always were. I put them in my way. Every greeting, every call, every look I heaped onto myself as annoying. Not every conversation is as innocent as would like to believe and not every encounter is as two-faced as I have to stand on guard for it to be. What I am saying is not every person wants a ticket to Canada, me as their wife or my phone number, but because occurrence rates are high I stand on guard waiting for the next words to be "I love you ah." I stand on guard until I am exhausted and then some. I realized though that I was standing guard in a glass box in the middle of the day. I have moved stations now to something outside and breezy. Still on guard, but not standing in so much annoyance. Now it is just stuck to my shoe scraping behind me as I man my station. From where I now stand I can see how hard I had to work to be so hot and bothered. There are two sides in every relationship, but my side was searching for the flaws and holding them in a death grip. I realize that is not fair and the only person it is hard on is me. I am in a relationship soon to become long distance so why not let myself be happy while I can hold it close in my hands. I am not going to pretend I like or even agree with everything here. The difference is that now I am not trudging through a self applied goop. I now appreciate what I love and what I do not; I just do not have to let what I do not always like weigh down on me. I am loving the light and dark parts of Ghana.