A Midnight Snack Run to Amsterdam

New Year's Eve. Awhile back, yes, but a rare experience I would like to share. I was handed a chance to escape if only for a day. To elevate myself and my mind from the culture I had been immersed in for the past three months. A more western bubble than anything her for me to step into, sit back, relax and float away for the day. I was to fly to Amsterdam to accompany a fellow Owl through the simple act, that is only so simple and easy until it must be done, of waiting; or the more common term layover. The realities of this mini getaway, this western bubble that I had fought so hard to escape these past months never received the chance to cross my mind. My mind for the time being was two tracked. One track was the determination to fill a role that made sure my friend was okay. To see her through the hours and off on the next plane. The other track thought "I'm going on a plane. Plane's usually have movies. The last plane that brought me here had movies so this plane must. I bet it has movies and movies that I have never even heard of at that. There will be movies!"

The next thing I know I am sitting in the airplane seat staring at the blank screen in front of me; unaware of how I am containing the excitement flooding through my body at the thought of the possibilities about to glow in my face. Never before has an entertainment system caused such a rise from me or for that matter food, and airplane food at that. Everything was like never before. Whatever touched my eyes, my tongue, my ears, my bod was savored; savored and stored to memory of how that one thing could cause such deep appreciation. An appreciation I have felt for my family, every one of my friends, my country and my home while here in Ghana. Soothing cold apple juice, he softness and fuzz of the fleece blanket and the enjoyment of comedic timing were only a few of the pleasantries savored. Time flew by as I sat wide-eyed in a whirlwind of awe. Time flew into the next year and dropped me in a freezing cold tunnel: the walkway from the airplane into Amsterdam airport.

My eyes burned partly from six hours of staring at a television screen directly in front of my face and the effort put into not falling asleep. I was also cold for the first time in a very long time, really cold, and that's how I fell asleep in front of a glass window wall with my cloth and a pillow and blanket stolen from the airplane. Thanks KLM. Two hours later I am more or less ready to face the airport. What I face is big and bright. Too big and bright. Why does everything need to be shoved in my face? I get it, okay? The McDonald's is upstairs and those cookies used to be priced six euros and now they are four-fifty. Not everything needs to scream to get noticed and that is what I noticed. I noticed everything and each thing made me think something. I was a constant cycle of reaction and thought. Moving around that were people. Tons of people rushing about from here to there. It made me wonder why I stood alone with my mind reeled by everything I was seeing as a population in fast forward moved throughout the same surroundings barely taking notice. Shelves upon shelves of product, sign after sign selling to me the idea of buying equaling happiness, the bigness of it all, being within the majority population, the prices and the familiarity of it all. A place I came from just as these people do where this is how things are and how things should be. A place I come back to in slow motion and wonder why these things are and how they came to be. Are these needs, wants, necessities, extravagancies? Who though this is what we neded? Who's letting it happen? Are these my means to survive? If my life is without this can I survive? I had for the past three months.

Later, staring at my gifting options for those left behind, I'm thinking of my options; my combination's. How can I bast use my money while getting quantity and quality. My thoughts are interrupted by a string of words breathed into my ear; of which only one makes itself heard: desensitized. Realization flickers across my face as the reality of what's happening sets in. to me these various chocolates and candies are just simply my many options not thrilling rarities. It already doesn't matter to me. For the other girls any one of these things would be exciting, a treat. For me to see these is not exciting, it's tactful. I'm not the wide-eyed in wonder girls I came here. Now it is just a fact of life. I am a customer and these are the things I have available to me.

Back on the plane to take me back to Ghana I am ready. I felt myself wanting to go back. Again I awaited my options aboard the plane in anticipation. However, this time I did not watch one entire film. I must of started at least five and completed not one. I jumped from this movie, to that song, to this game, back to the movie in a reckless manner. I was bored. Bored and restless. I was desensitized. It happened within hours and I was not expecting or ready for it. I don't want to feel that way with so many things at my disposal. I am not ready now and should never be. I hold an appreciation that I never knew existed and I am not ready to lose it as I did in those hours. I can feel things here, really feel them, and I am afraid that returning will numb that. I want to feel the appreciation that resounds now forever only building on it. I know I can forever think in this way, but feeling it is so much more. More than ever it will be in my mind, but I want to feel it in my heart. I want to feel it like I do now without making myself grasp for it. I want the feel of this presence and not have to feel for it. I this way I realize I was not ready to go back. I was in fact lucky. Reality of what I have left bit me in the ass and I escaped. I came back. My chance to escape was exactly that just not in the direction presumed. My escape was coming back.

With the knowledge of what I may lose I hold stronger everything I feel. For when it is my time to go I will be ready, ready to make sure everything I'm bringing stays with me. And so goes the tale of my midnight snack in Amsterdam.