Initial feelings...has it been this long?
It was a dusty custard room. No. It was a humid, dusty custard room. The room I found myself in miles away and hours ahead of everything I knew. Two things told me I had left Canada; one, six months of my life was crammed in a day pack beside me and two 11 o'clock at night in the pitch black a marching band practice was bombarding its way through the windows. Welcome to Ghana.
So much is unfamiliar and new to me now that I have definitely been lost in translation. From the first day a barrier was planted in front of me. I was left on one side with my English tongue as I watched so many approach the other side. Slowly I am trying to reduce this barrier to maybe a step. One of those slight lifts in elevation that you never notice, but always end up tripping over. Until then I do appreciate the enthusiasm of everyone to still talk to me when all I can really offer is my clueless face. And I'm sorry, but just because you keep repeating the words faster does not mean I will understand all of a sudden. All it really does is make my silence more awkward. For now communication is frustrating, laughable and getting better...
Due to the fact that I am "alone" in my little English bubble on my side of the wall the need to belong rose up quickly. It came up like a bubbling potion just about to suffocate me. This shouldn't have surprised me, but it did. Instantly grasping at the slightest things that may make it look like you get it when you never actually will. Slight use of the language, eating with your hands, catching a trotro, acting like you know where you are going and that this is all completely normal: all threads dangling to grasp at. It's like puking. You know it happens, what it feels like before it does and despite yourself it comes out. Appearing like something you can't control just sitting under your surface waiting for the moment you are on the outside. Letting you feel like you are on the inside where you can pass judgment on others who you think are now more outside than you. No one wants to not get the joke. Ghana is a joke I do not understand, but was desperately pretending I did. Two weeks wiser at this point I can accept that I don't belong, that I never will and that I don't need to. Some jokes you can just smile at.
So much is unfamiliar and new to me now that I have definitely been lost in translation. From the first day a barrier was planted in front of me. I was left on one side with my English tongue as I watched so many approach the other side. Slowly I am trying to reduce this barrier to maybe a step. One of those slight lifts in elevation that you never notice, but always end up tripping over. Until then I do appreciate the enthusiasm of everyone to still talk to me when all I can really offer is my clueless face. And I'm sorry, but just because you keep repeating the words faster does not mean I will understand all of a sudden. All it really does is make my silence more awkward. For now communication is frustrating, laughable and getting better...
Due to the fact that I am "alone" in my little English bubble on my side of the wall the need to belong rose up quickly. It came up like a bubbling potion just about to suffocate me. This shouldn't have surprised me, but it did. Instantly grasping at the slightest things that may make it look like you get it when you never actually will. Slight use of the language, eating with your hands, catching a trotro, acting like you know where you are going and that this is all completely normal: all threads dangling to grasp at. It's like puking. You know it happens, what it feels like before it does and despite yourself it comes out. Appearing like something you can't control just sitting under your surface waiting for the moment you are on the outside. Letting you feel like you are on the inside where you can pass judgment on others who you think are now more outside than you. No one wants to not get the joke. Ghana is a joke I do not understand, but was desperately pretending I did. Two weeks wiser at this point I can accept that I don't belong, that I never will and that I don't need to. Some jokes you can just smile at.
posted by One World Ghana Group 2008 at
7:00 AM
4 Comments:
Hi Sweetheart,
I have no idea what it must feel like to have such a language barrier, and for so long! I often look at Reka and think of you, especially when she looks at us with a blank face as she is lost in translation also!
I hope that the love and care from your new family comes through to you, and helps you with this, as you do not need to speak to show that you care!
It is good to know that regardless of the language barrier that you are so happy and doing well.
Have good sleeps, keep safe and well,
Love from everyone at home, especially me!!!
Love you lots sweetheart,
Love Mum XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Hello Chelsea, So good to hear from you sweetheart. All of us hear family&friends think the world of your courage and strength for where you are at at this time. Your spirit and kindness will help you through your language barriers you are having to deal with at this time, so stay strong,smile loads,and learn miles Chelsea. What you have embarked on sweetie, almost all could and would not think of or even do, including your dad (me), may your heart stay strong , your sleeps be restful , and your smiles and laughter last forever sweetie, love forever Chelsea. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox. Dad. ps it is snowing today at home! pps what is a tro, tro?? take care sweetie we all miss you.
Hi Sweetheart,
Just got off the phone with Mum - she is well and we discussed this young lady that is coming home to us! You sound so positive and really enjoying this wonderful experience. Take care of yourself, keep safe and our love comes to you, Grammie & Keithoxoxox Care package is on it's way!!
Hi Babes
Merry Christmas to you - I am so envious of you having a really tropical Xmas - I miss the warmth and the genuine love,and happiness that is generated without material things. Treasure these memories -they are so precious - I also miss the toothless smiles of the old folk in Guyana as you walk along the paths and the little children with tummies so rotund and big eyes and runny noses - all happy and carefree!! Wonderful!! Enjoy.
Life goes on here - the weather is awful and people are shopping and pushing as though the world is coming to an end - I still can't understand what happens at every holiday time - you can't get a loaf of bread because everyone else has their trollies stacked. I am taking it easy this Xmas - not cooking any Xmas dinner - just sitting in my jammies watching the TV. On Boxing Day, I have Glenn and his girlfriend coming over and Aunt Marc and Ally so will be doing a lunch then. We will drink a toast to you.
You sound so at peace with the tranquility of the villages and it's people - I hope you have a lovely day - Mum is really fine and (like you) she is happy and planning to feed the thousands on Xmas Day (smile). I know she misses you very much but is so very proud of you (her baby).
So Darling, keep safe and have a lovely time - Keith sends his love to you and is following your progress with us.
Love, peace and happiness to you
Grammiexxx
PS: have knicks arrived yet - thought you might be running out! (smile)xx
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